What is “ready”?
Defined expectations on a journey to create are a form of self sabotage. They are the cement blockade from one province preventing us from experiencing the next. They hide in our subconscious under the clever vail of perceived protection, favoring instead comparisons to like minded stories. Every person who has stood to make their mark has questioned this readiness. So what gives, what does it mean to be ready?
Throughout our earthly journey, as we navigate the various stages of self-discovery, we gradually uncover the hidden desires of our soul. The faint whispers of dharma transform from almost imperceptible murmurs to the rhythmic and unyielding beat of a drum. This revelation dawned upon me during my inaugural temazcal, a ceremony marking the culmination of a profound and transformative sojourn in Santander, Colombia.
In my quest for self actualization, I unearthed a yearning intricately tied to my struggles with shame and unworthiness. Seated amidst the adept stewards of ancient rituals and fire keepers dedicated to the sacred bridge between humanity and the divine, I felt like a solitary observer—a girl caught between earthly tribulations and ethereal aspirations. In the dome adorned with symbols representing the womb of the earth, I observed in silence, absorbing the delicate placement of each stone and the precision of the elders' movements.
As the ceremony commenced, I found myself crawling to the back of the dome, awaiting another encounter with the divine. Enclosed in darkness, surrounded by fellow participants packed like sardines around the volcanic pit, we began to pray. Amidst my broken Spanish, I discerned the familiar chants and songs of the divine, humming along. As the first volcanic stone entered the temazcal's heart, a cascade of perspiration devoured, and the escalating heat initiated a dance of transformation within my spirit.
The ritual unfolded with family members taking turns to sing and drum, creating a symphony resonating like heartbeats. Enveloped in the steam, within the cocoon of metamorphosis, I was suddenly thrust into the spotlight. The light pierced through as the fire keeper reached for another stone, designating me to carry the ceremony to its conclusion. Panic set in, and my initial response was a grateful yet firm refusal—I felt unprepared and still in the process of learning. The facilitator insisted, and my resistance to being seen intensified.
He says, “There comes a time in your life where you go from student to teacher, observer to leader. That time is now.
In those moments, faced with the resistance to my purpose, I encountered a pivotal realization spoken best from his mouth: there comes a time when we transition from learning to doing. I grappled with the discomfort of moving from a bystander to an active participant, from a student to a teacher. The question of readiness loomed large.
Reflecting on this, I acknowledged that waiting until I felt "ready" might mean never starting. A student of life remains ever open and always in evolution. To attempt to walk among the greats, even those with profound gifts, could forever compare themselves to the masters of our human history. Does that make us any less deserving of a chance to express the depths within us and our unique circumstances that has brought us to where we stand here and now?
This experience challenged me to rise above the discomfort, to be seen in my creative self-expression. It was triggering yet essential, reminding me that I am meant to be seen, not relegated to the shadows. The encouragement from my mother, echoing from my childhood, urged me to be brave and rise above the fear of observation.
If you are reading this, know that reaching this point in my creative journey was arduous. Discovering purpose is one thing; displaying it to the world’s critics is another. The distinction between amateur and professional lies in the willingness to be perceived with imperfections that never fully dissipate.
There has always been an innate sense of responsibility within me to share my journey, to offer a beacon for those still searching for their path in the tumultuous sea of existence. We deserve to be a channel for creativity, art, truth, love, and freedom. Don’t focus on the audience, trust in your soul mission as your plan. Perfection has no home in the house of creativity.
I don't envy those who sit on a throne of perpetual perceived perfection. Seems monotonous, seems counterproductive to the journey of becoming. When you’re doing x from a place of truth inside your soul, the world conspires to give back in gold.
We end up suffering in an attempt to avoid the suffering we imagine we might face if we show up as the force of nature our creator intended us to be. A gift that goes unshared is as selfish as any act. Our channels of creativity come from source, and it is in that honorary symbiosis that we prevail over the powers that try to extinguish our torches.
Amidst countless reasons to hide, what compels us to shine? In the face of the fear of being seen, what will it take to overcome the inclination to hide behind familiar comforts? Can we speak for those still grappling to find their voice, recognizing the profound gift of connection in a chaotic world?